வாயடைத்து நின்றேன்

இன்று (04/01/2016) ஒரு ஆண்,  இருசக்கிர வாகனத்தில் இருந்து கிழே விழ ...அவரை தூக்கி விட ஒரு அழகான இளம் பெண் ஓடோடி வந்தார்.

வாயடைத்து நின்றேன் நான் 

டேய் நண்பா எங்கடா இருக்கே இப்போ ?

இப்போ எல்லாம்  நீ போன் ல கூட பேசுறது இல்ல கூகிள் ல சாட் பண்றது இல்ல .. ஆனா நான் உன்ன மறந்தாலும் ஏதோ ஒரு வடிவத்துல உன் ஞாபகம் வர வச்சிரங்க ...

கல்யாணம் ஆகுறதுக்கு முன்னாடி காலைல இருந்து நைட் வரைக்கும் வேணாம் வேணாம் னு ஓடுனாலும் விடாம எனக்கு தெரிஞ்ச கல்யாணம் ஆகாத பொண்ணுக பத்தி கேட்டு கேட்டு கூகிள் ல சாட் செய்வியே?

எங்க ஊரு புள்ளைக கிட்ட என் ப்ரென்ட் நல்லவரு, வல்லவரு னு சொல்ல சொல்லி எனக்கும் “லவ் டார்ச்சர்” கொடுத்தியே ?

 எங்க ஊரு டவுன் பஸ்ல “அலர்ஜி , ஆஸ்த்மா, நரம்பு தளர்ச்சி, எய்ட்ஸ்  .... க்கு உடனே தீர்வு ...அணுகவும் டாக்டர் X ...  னு ஒவ்வேருத்தர் மடியுலும் வேணும்னாலும் வேணாம்னாலும் பிட் நோட்டீஸ் வச்சிட்டு போறவன் மாதிறி,  கல்யாணம் ஆகாத பொண்ணுங்க எல்லாத்துக்கும்  கொஞ்சம் கூட மனசாட்சி இல்லாம ஒரு பிட் நோட்டீஸ் குடுத்தியே ... உனக்கு ஞாபகம் இருக்க இல்லையோ எனக்கு நல்லவே இருக்கு...

உனக்கு கல்யாணம் னு கேள்வி பட்டதும் சந்தோஷ பட்டது கல்யாணம் ஆகாத பொண்ணுங்க மட்டும் இல்ல ...நானும் தான் ...

ஏண்ணா, சார் உங்க ப்ரென்ட் எனக்கும் அப்ளிகேசன் குடுத்தார் ... எனக்கும் அப்ளிகேசன் குடுத்தார்... னு இனி யாரும் சொல்லமாட்டங்க னு ...

ரொம்ப சந்தோஷ பட்டேன்

 ஆனா...

அந்த சந்தோசம் ரொம்ப நாள் நிலைக்கல ...

சமிபத்துல கல்யாணம் ஆகி குழந்தையோட இருந்த ஒரு பொண்ணு பேசும் போது சார் உங்க பிரெண்ட எனக்கும் தெரியும் ... அவரு “தமிழ் மேட்ரிமோனி” ல எனக்கும் இண்டரெஸ்ட் அனுப்பினார் ... னு சொன்னப்ப இருந்த நிம்மதி யும் போச்சி ...

இப்போ ஒரு குழந்தையோட இருக்கிற பொண்ணுங்கள பாத்தாவே உண் பேர சொல்ல பயமா இருக்குட ...

டேய் நண்பா எங்கடா இருக்கே இப்போ ?

எதற்கு ?

Travelling Allowance Bill Claim of Hanuman

After the Lanka War, Hanuman submitted his TA Bill for his tour to pick up the Sanjevani booti.

The Dealing Assistant in the TA Section raised 3 objections as under:

a) Hanuman did not take permission of King Bharat for undertaking the tour;
b) Hanuman being a Group 'C' official was not entitled to Air Travel; and,
c) Hanuman was asked to carry a plant, but instead carried the whole mountain. Hence claim for excess baggage not acceptable.

When Hanuman invited Ram's attention to the above, he stated that he could do nothing since the queries raised were as per rule. However, seeing the plight of Hanuman, Lakshman offered to speak to the dealing assistant. Lakshman spoke to the dealing assistant and offered him 10% of the TA Bill.

Now the dealing assistant wrote on file:

'Re-examined. Since Bharat was ruling as a representative of Ram, and, since Hanuman had gone on official work under directions of Ram, these directions would not only suffice, but would also constitute permission to utilize non-entitled class of travel. The excess baggage is justified as Hanuman being a Group 'C' official might not have been able to properly identify the proper plant, and, bringing the wrong plant would have entailed multiple journeys, thereby increasing expenditure from the exchequer. Accordingly, the claim, as submitted, may be passed."

Have a Nice Day !!!

How the national ID card will work....!!!
Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's he..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... You're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jal Vayu..... Your home number is 2x26xxxx, your office 250xxxxx and your mobile is 09xxxxxxxx. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00"

Customer: "Can I pay by! Credit card?"Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car..."

Customer: " What!"Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107.."

Customer: " ?"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"Customer: "Nothing... By the way... Aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$%

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: [Faints].....!!!

வேலைக்கும் பொது அறிவிற்கும் மேலே

During work, Raman and Narayan were chatting:

Raman: Narain, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.
Narayan: oh!
Raman: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this.
The next day, the same discussion took place:
Raman: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.
The next day, once again:
Raman: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "Confessions" , if you take night courses, you would know this.

This time, Narayan got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Balakrishnan Kuppuswamy?
Raman: No

Narayan: He's the guy roaming with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know .

"Moral: There are more important things in life than Work and General Knowledge."

நன்றி : டேவிட் ஜோசேப் (மின்னஞ்சல்)

இந்தியாவில் வேலை நடப்பது ஏ (இ) ப்படி ?

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One from Bangladesh, another from India and the third, from China.

They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

"Well", he says, "I figure the job will run அபோut $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says,
"I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."

"Done!" Replies the official.

சிரிப்பா வருதா ...

100 % சதவிதம் உண்மைக ... இந்தியாவுல இப்படிதான் பொழப்பு ஓடுது ..

காதலி & மனைவி

Lovely lines matches most of us...

"
He loved her
But married another ..
One became the wife
The other became the password
"

நன்றி : சிவபிரபு
(மின்னஞ்சல் மூலம் )